Captain A has served in Bosnia and Afghanistan as a front line soldier.  Anne is his girlfriend of six years.

THE DINNER

6:30 p.m.

Kitchener

Spinach Artichoke Tortellini, Tossed Salad with German Dressing, Garlic Bread with Cheese and Yogurt.

THE DISCUSSION

Captain A is a career soldier. He served in Bosnia and has done two tours in Afghanistan. He is passionate about Canadian military history and patiently spells out acronyms to help others understand how the military operates. “He is a rare species. Only a small percentage of those in the military are front line combat staff.”

Captain A is professional. “For the most part people tend to focus on their jobs because they have done a lot of training. There aren’t big surprises. It’s an awe of actually being there. Usually we’ve seen or heard of these places because of the history of unrest. It’s a relief to be there and get on with it.”

The training is rigorous. “The physical part of it is certainly important. It’s probably about 80 pounds of stuff we walk around in everyday. It was fifty degrees in Afghanistan. This is the life of the soldier.”

As for why he chose this life, “part of it is personal challenge and doing something interesting. There are things I have seen that will stay with me.”  He says, “You get to experience extremes. Someone took a picture of a thermometer beside a tent in Afghanistan that read sixty degrees Celsius. You were down to minus sixty degrees Celsius with the wind chill in Resolute Bay for training.”

Pushed a little bit harder about the traumatic events soldiers witness he admits, “It is difficult. I think it brings out the best in people and it brings out the worst sometimes. It’s the ties that bind between soldiers that get you through. I can explain it all I want, but unless you’re there with the sights and the sounds and the smells you can’t really know the experience. It’s those experiences that solidify you as family.”

He adds, “It’s horrific for those who do the killing and for those who are killed. You don’t hear a lot about the guys who are maimed. The families still have to deal with that. They are changed. That’s part of the sacrifice.”

Of the dangers, he explains that “fear is the four letter f word in the army. Your fight or flight responses are kicking in. Obviously you have to fight any flight tendencies you might have. You’re human. You don’t really want to get hurt but even more you feel your responsibilities to others. My greatest fear wasn’t getting maimed or shot, it was screwing up.”

“Let there be no doubt about it. Combat is confusing. It’s contained mayhem. It starts to get sorted out once it stops. That’s the battle for the good guys, to maintain situation awareness and to act. It would be a failure to make mistakes that cost lives. You’re always thinking: did I do the right thing? Is there something better I could do?”

Captain A is reflective and empathetic. There is a gravity he cannot take off as easily as he can remove his equipment. However, he stresses that “there are never any guarantees in life.” Anne adds, “you get in and out.”

Captain A explains that for him “one of the most humbling things is to meet some of the guys that fought in World War II and the Korean War. They’re actually regular, everyday guys. They don’t have plans of glory. A lot of them joined because they thought it was the right thing to do.”

“Canadians have this misconception that our army is for peacekeeping. It is an insult. It is kind of like calling a chef an egg maker. That is one of his tasks, but it isn’t his primary task. We train for a spectrum of situations.”

Captain A visits classrooms regularly to patiently correct misconceptions about the military and those who are in it.  Of the media focus he says, “It’s not even the negatives. It’s about our soldiers being killed. A lot of the development and partnership that has happened is not reported. In Kabul we did some fantastic work. We’d open up schools. If people don’t know that, it makes the Canadian public wonder why we’re there.”

He reiterates, “It’s newsworthy now when Canadians get killed. It leaves one to the perception that nothing is going on when there isn’t something on your television.”

Captain A says, “We don’t hope for a war, but the soldiers are proud. You’ve got to put your money where your mouth is. Canada has done that in Afghanistan. The soldiers would rather have done it than not.”

Anne wishes he did not have to do what he does, but is proud nonetheless. Captain A is well aware of the stress on Anne and the rest of his family.  “It’s got to be tough. You’re there and doing your job. You know what is happening before people in Canada get the news.”  He adds, “The families are unwilling participants, from parents to kids. Everyone has to deal with what you feel you have to do.”

He describes taking his mother to a restaurant to explain to her that he was going to Afghanistan. “She started wringing her hands. It was a reaction. It wasn’t conscious. I imagine it would be one of the most difficult things for a parent. She is proud.” Anne adds that his mother does not watch the news while he is gone. It is one of the ways she tried to cope with the worry.

Captain A “was not born in Canada. We’re not even first generation Canadian. We’re naturalized. It is important for us to give something back to the country and do our part.”

There is certainly a resurgence of interest in the part of the soldier. The school children Captain A visited were so excited to see a soldier that they could hardly contain themselves, but their behaviour during the Remembrance Day assembly was exemplary. Anne says, “I’ve never seen them so quiet ever. They all came down dead silent.”

They have learned through Anne and Captain A. Anne explains that during Captain A’s tour in Afghanistan she was allowed to carry her cell phone into the classroom. Her students knew that if they heard his ring, they were to take out a book and begin independent reading. One of the students would go down the hall to the staff room and ask for a teacher to supervise her class while she spoke to A. Everyone knew him by name; so it was with great relief that they were able to mark Remembrance Day with him this year.

STILL DIGESTING

When I began this project people asked me whether I would be starstruck if I met someone famous. Last night, I had to admit to Captain A that I was awestruck to meet a soldier who had been in combat.   The grave responsibility he bears is almost unfathomable.

I think I feel so strongly about peace because it is so difficult to actually imagine living in a war zone. There are many to thank for the fact that Canada is such a peaceful haven. In previous years, I have stood for the minute of silence at eleven o’clock with my students, painfully aware that a number of them have known war and came to Canada to escape it.

It was also a former student who first helped me to understand that for many the military appeals because they see it as a way to help others. While the humanitarian aspects of the military do not get as much attention right now, they are easier to consider. Captain A reminds me that we must look at the military in all of its complexity to truly appreciate what it does.

This appreciation is as important for those in the military as it is for those who love them. Captain A is aware that the call he feels to be a soldier is difficult for his family. Anne would not have chosen to love a soldier, but knows that in loving A she must take pride in his work, no matter the toll it takes. The men and women in the military must somehow balance the deaths they see at work as soldiers with living at home as human beings. It is a lot to ask.

Captain A asked me not to use his name because he is still a combat soldier in an army that is at war. He knows as well as anyone that there are many nameless soldiers who have made greater sacrifices throughout history, but I still feel sorry that I cannot call him by name. As he says to the students he visits, it is about a lot more than marching around with a gun. Captain A is thoughtful, articulate, skilled and worldly. We want the men and women who carry the grave responsibility of soldiering to be all of these things; and they should be able to count on the same from the civilians who deploy them by virtue of their votes.  We have a responsibility as well.