Anonymous is  a First Nations Elder living in Sioux Lookout with some of her grandchildren.

FAMILY HOME – SIOUX LOOKOUT . . . 5:30 p.m.

Indian Taco

THE CONVERSATION

The bannock we put the taco fixings on was baked at 6 o’clock in the morning because Anon knew that she would not have time otherwise. She explains that the Indian Taco is one of the most popular foods sold at powwows and the reaction from her grandchildren confirms that this is a favourite dish.

When I ask how many grandchildren Anon has, she patiently begins to teach. She says, “In a First Nation, if you ask a person that, it is different. My siblings have children and I call them my grandchildren. I’d say I have around 35. I have never taken the time to count the kids.”

Becoming a grandmother was significant. Anon says she had to put it in her head that she was going to be a grandmother. She adds, “that is something for me to realize. You know that’s just the facts of life. That’s what my parents say. From my parents that’s how it was taught.”

She laughs that she found gray hairs when she looked in the mirror today and is sure it is the stress. She laughs about teasing young girls who dye their hair. She assures them that one day it will definitely change colour all on its own. Anon cannot remember how young she was when she dreamed of a gray streak appearing in her hair.

Once the kitchen is empty and the dinner cleared she pours tea. By way of introduction, she explains that when she talks with people she is more spiritual and offers one of the teachings. She explains that “tobacco is a hidden contract between us. Don’t ever hesitate to offer tobacco to an elder, but some First Nations people will not accept it because they are different denominations.”

Anon shares her experience with many different people. She recalls a young person who was hoping to learn about traditional ways to help him in his work. She asked, “Didn’t you learn about native people at all through your school? He didn’t even know what a medicine wheel was. That is how his life was so sheltered.”

She can laugh at this story at the same time that she is frustrated that there is so little learning about other cultures. She says, “I was thinking this is Canada and we’re in a multicultural way of life.”

For her part, Anon teaches the Ojibway language at a local school. She works with children up until grade 4. At that point the native language programming is scheduled at the same time as French and parents must choose which language their children will study. She says quite simply, “That’s a bummer.”

The work with children, however, makes Anon feel young. She says, “I welcome myself when I see little children. They give me the energy, just seeing them active.”

Anon herself is certainly active. She says, “I’m used to being like my mom was, always on the go.”

Her own children and grandchildren do not speak the language, but she is hopeful that there is a growing interest in it. When she taught the language at a community college, her students included teachers, doctors, lawyers, police officers and even a judge. All saw the importance of language for working with First Nations people.

Anon explains, “The language and the culture, they go hand in hand. Same with the ceremonies.”

Anon spoke the language with her family, but was in the residential school system for 8 years. She says, “You were not allowed to speak your language. Then when I was in university they wanted us to speak the language all the time.”

The memories of residential school are the more powerful. She remembers, “They made us go to church. As I was growing up, I knew that the spirit in me was not liking being in the four walls of the church. I used to physically throw up.”

Anon no longer feels that way. After a powwow, she visited a Quaker Church in Iowa to see if she would experience the same feeling as an adult. As she sat in that church service with a crystal and her sacred bundle, she no longer felt those feelings. She thanked the congregation by sharing her story and leaving the crystal. She laughs, “So my crystal is some place in the Midwest United States.”

Anon explains that this was a part of the journey she began when her marriage ended. “After the marriage break-up that’s when I knew I was seeking the spiritual part of someone’s life, meaning mine. It was always there with my parents. My parents were very traditional.”

When she was growing up, her parents were living away from the community because they wanted their children to learn the traditional way of life. Anon says, “What happened in their area is someone in authority could come to your house and ask if you have sacred items. They would say, ‘give us those things so we can burn them.’”

Despite these experiences, Anon is hopeful about people getting along in the future. She says quite simply, “I love watching people. I love listening to people.” And she loves teaching.

The responsibility of helping others must be balanced with time alone.  Anon says, “Within myself, I’ll know when it is time to be calm and reserved. I know within my spirituality I have to do that. In a way, I have to really listen to my inner being.”

She learned this through fasting. She explains, “That is how I know my inner being quite well. When you’re out in the wilderness all by yourself, you know you’re there to help yourself to be more spiritual. In the wilderness all of the things around you are alive and well and you the only one who is not alive and well.”

Anon explains, “I have been an elder lady for a long time because when my parents were going to have a child, I don’t know which one of them dreamed of an old woman coming back. I had an adult way of thinking as a child.”

As an adult, she dreamed of each of her parents just before they passed. She describes herself as asking to come with them like a child. Both assured her that it was not her time and that she needed to stay to take care of others.

Family is clearly important and Anon knows what keeps her family strong. She says, “Letting the family members find their own spirituality. It’s important to find that spirit within yourself. It’s so important to listen to that spirit within us and pursue whatever it tells you. No one can tell you. You have to grow with that spirit.”

Anon’s parents’ dream of an elder lady returning, marked her birth with the spirit of her grandmother. She says, “My parents put me in a very special spot because of that birth of that older lady. They would put that responsibility on me. At the age of 5, I knew how to make bannock and I’m still making it.”

STILL DIGESTING

I have just had some of the bannock Anon sent home with me. It went very nicely with the blueberry jam my host gave me on my last night at home.

Anon tells me that the land in Sioux Lookout is very powerful and it certainly has been for my family, even though we lack the history Anon has. My cousins and I spent as many summers as we could visiting Uncle Nev and Aunt Lois. I am staying with them again now, knowing that my experiences here have shaped me more than they might realize.

It was here that I first remember working together in the kitchen as a group to prepare food. It was also here that I remember cooking my first meal on my own in an attempt to impress a childhood friend who, even though he has moved, has been on the phone regularly with my uncle since I arrived.

My brother called last night too. He wanted to be sure that I arrived safely as he has had much experience driving through Northern Ontario in the winter. While I have no experience with where he is going, I hope he gets there safely. He gave me the cedar and the stone that hang on the mirror of my car to keep me safe in my travels.

Anon has a stone in her home that was a gift from one of her brothers. It is there to keep her safe. When I left her house she was still waiting for a call about another family member and I hope it came with good news.