The Melchers have been active in community theatre as individuals and as a family. They sat down with me on a rare night when Graeme was home from Queens, Mark was home from work and Nancy was not at rehearsal.

THEIR HOME . . . 6:00 p.m.

Shrimp and Rice with Green Beans. Tossed Salad. Sorbet and Ice Cream

THE CONVERSATION

Mark and Nancy have contributed hours of their free time to designing sets for community theatre projects. While they laugh that temporary stage sets require a different set of skills than one would bring to the building of a home, it is clear they are skilled in both.

Mark gives me a tour of the renovations they are doing to the family room.  He laughs that it’s a good avocation, but that he’d never be able to make a living at it. Nancy is just grateful that they have been able to replace the half inch walls with the layers of insulation that now make the family room the warmest in the house.  On a winter night in January, the original window that hangs in the entry as a decorative feature is a chilly reminder of just how close they were to the outdoors.

While they consult on any designs for home improvements, Mark takes the lead inside and Nancy outdoors.   The family room is coming along and there will be a new garden this spring, but by far the best feature right now is that their only son Graeme has been home from Queens for the last few weeks.

By the age of eight, Graeme had chosen Queens. He was doing a school project on a solar powered car designed there and had a chance to visit one of the libraries. He says, “I remember looking up and just seeing stories of books. It was designed after a castle with towers. I though that any library with this many books must be the finest library in the world and to have such a library must make Queens the best school.”

Graeme is not the kind to be locked in a tower and Nancy and Mark are not the parents to allow for it. Graeme took an extra year of high school to complete a few more courses and test the work world.  He calls it “the best decision I wish I’d never made. Taking a step out of academic life was necessary. It really helped me figure out what I wanted to do and that I didn’t want to work in a factory.”

There have been many more things that Graeme has wanted to do in his life and Mark and Nancy have felt very strongly that he do them. Nancy says, “We didn’t make Graeme’s hemophilia a barrier to family activities. We modified the activities. We’ve always been the thin edge of the wedge.”

Graeme is even more direct saying, “It was always depressing to go to the hemophilia meetings. I was the hemophiliac kid who played rugby, went snowboarding, went to punk concerts, went cliff jumping and got tattoos. Some of the others were living in a bubble.”

Like many things, the tattoos do not pose a significant problem for Graeme. He and Nancy spoke with their team at Sick Kids and after some prodding were able to receive a protocol for how Graeme could be tattooed and healthy. While Graeme thinks that the reluctant, visiting doctor may have been reacting to his pink Mohawk, Nancy knows that the doctor didn’t have the information to answer their question. Graeme is certainly a good argument for asking the questions others may not have thought of and managing hemophilia as a part of, rather than a deterrent, to living a full life.

While Graeme has spent more time than most in hospitals, the setting that was most important to his development were the gifted classes he has taken since Grade 3. The program was offered in a neighbouring town and the opportunities it provided were so essential that the family organized itself around shuttling Graeme back and forth so that he could not only be a part of the school program, but participate in a vast array or extracurricular activities as well.

Though father and son can laugh at themselves and each other, Mark makes it clear that he is proud of Graeme. Mark left highschool before the finishing Grade 13 and has built a very successful 37 year career in banking. Of Graeme’s success at university, Mark says, “It suits him well. At his age I was not him. I don’t expect him to be me. I benefited from being able to be in the work force and it benefited from me being there. It’s two different things.”

One setting that the whole family shares is the cottage. Nancy grew up spending all summer at her family cottage. A number of improvements have been made since flooring was first added to keep the mosquitos from coming up through the joists, but the family takes pride in the fact that it is a true cottage accessible only by boat and powered by propane. Of the importance of the cottage to Graeme, Nancy says, “It’s under his skin.”

If the cottage is in the blood, a love of theatre is a part of the air they breathe. They talk knowledgably about the work that each other does. Just as Mark and Graeme reflect with pride on the Ontario Theatre Association Award Nancy won for stage managing Alice in Wonderland, they can laugh about her performance as a woman married to a man with a severe addiction, to motorcycles.

Mark actually grew up in the theatre. His mother was a professional actress and both of his parents were active in community theatre. He had not been involved in theatre since his early twenties, when Graeme began performing. Mark quickly returned to the smell of glue pots and support roles backstage. He has even returned to the stage on occasion and especially enjoyed the challenge of performing beside professionals in the Trafalgar 24 fundraiser which Nancy stage managed.

Graeme says, “In the last 7 or 8 years, there has been literally nothing that has gone on theatrically in town that we haven’t had our hand in somehow.”

Mark explains the appeal, “It builds skills. We got into it because we knew it would build self esteem for Graeme and be fun too. It’s all transferable. I use more theatre in my professional life than business analysis.”

If Mark is performing at work, the performer in Graeme currently rants in the Golden Word, Queen’s weekly humour newspaper and the only one of its kind in the country. He is a regular on the cover, performing for the time being in two and not three dimensions. Nancy and Mark continue to be named as contributors to the set on the program of virtually every theatrical production in the community. More often than not, Nancy is mentioned as stage director, a thankless task that has her holding the production together without so much as a clear view of the stage.

Nancy explains, “If you’re in the cast you act. It you’re in the audience you enjoy. But someone has to make the illusion of the setting.”

There are no illusions at their supper table. The performer in Graeme entertains with his ideas on any topic raised. Mark is quieter with an eye to the setting they are in and an actor’s patience to wait for his cue despite having missed lunch as a result of another hectic day at work. Nancy co-ordinates it all with the aplomb of an award winning stage manager capable of improvising as the need arises.

They all understand and have done the work of the others so there is a mutual appreciation that ensures there is never any competition for applause. As individuals, they mention at different times that they are interested in performing a little bit more.  It is Mark who points out how much they’d like to do it together.

I can imagine a full house.

STILL DIGESTING

Nancy, Mark and Graeme are quite the cast of characters.  They are also an impressive ensemble, skilled at improvisation and grounded in the fact that what goes on behind the scenes is every bit as important as what is occurring on stage.

They have lived in the same neighbourhood as my parents for all of Graeme’s life and much of mine. I babysat Graeme and share a passion for outdoor education with Nancy. I have watched Mark working in the garage in the little bit of spare time he gets.

Still, it was a treat to sit down with them and talk about some of the things that matter to them. I wrote yesterday that the best neighbours are friends; I didn’t mention how close the daily pleasantries could bring us, even if we rarely make the chance to talk much further.

As neighbours we may see things that friends don’t.  I have seen Mark leave for work well before the break of dawn and have seen him return long after the sun has set. I watched as Graeme grew too old to play outside. I saw Nancy take up running and walking.

I hadn’t ever spoken with them about their commitment to the theatre. I had no idea that Mark had built a successful career out of experience rather than education. I couldn’t have guessed that Graeme was studying history with an interest in how folklore shapes who we want to be. Nor did I realize the extent to which Nancy was delving into writing and performing.

Every time I sit down to dinner, I am reminded that there is an enormous amount of back story to who we are. Performers create the history that helps them bring their characters to life; as real people we live our own histories to become who we are.  We bring ourselves to life through our experiences and we bring our communities to life when we share them. There is a lot to be learned from talking to our neighbours.