Sylvia Bereskin uses her time writing a blog for feminist women retiring with gusto. The title of her work is For the First Time.

SYLVIA’S HOME IN TORONTO . . . 7:00 p.m.

Quesadillas, Nachos with Salsa and Guacamole, Tortilla Soup, Chicken Mole with Rice, Jicama Salad and Sangrita, Sorbet with Chocolate Mousse Cups and Lattes.

THE DISCUSSION

Sylvia Bereskin feels like she’s lost her understanding of time completely. After rushing through a very successful career, she is still reconciling herself to the pace of retirement. She is also unapologetically aware that she is a part of the first generation of women to have grown up with feminism.

These women are now retiring from careers that formed an integral part of their identities. Sylvia warns, “It’s like childbirth. Nobody really talks about the hard parts.”  With a characteristic interest in learning, Sylvia is talking about it all.

While her relationship with time may have changed, it is not lost on her that the time is now. Sylvia is writing a blog about feminist women retiring entitled For the First Time. The response has been very positive despite the fact that she was warned that using the word feminist would put people off.

Sylvia has always been passionate about social justice. The first Canadian born child of parents who survived the Holocaust, she grew up speaking more Yiddish than English. She also learned some tough lessons very early on.

Her first day of Kindergarten was a disappointment to her because by the end of the day she had not been taught to read or write. They had, however, taught her to sing Jesus Loves Me and Jesus Bids Us Shine With a Bright Clear Light. Knowing her father’s love of music (he was a canter in Synagogue), she eagerly sang for him.

He was on the phone to the school immediately. Sylvia notes, “I learned on that first day of Kindergarten that I would have to hide from home what was going on at school and hide from school what was going on at home. So many kids are still doing that. We can’t give them any dignified way of being who they are or of being honest.”

Sylvia credits the fact that her childhood was not an easy one with helping her relate to others. Though she had hoped to be a medical doctor, she studied social sciences and worked for a time as a Social Worker.

She recalls being fired from her job at the Orange County Welfare Department in California. Six months pregnant at the time, the mistake was not hers but her husband’s. A client had collapsed and Sylvia’s husband administered CPR until the ambulance arrived. He saved a life, but they both lost their jobs as a result of their inability to represent the philosophy of the department.

No longer with that husband or in social work, Sylvia still bristles at the idea that a life could be considered less valuable because it belonged to someone needing social assistance. Long after the days in Orange County and her accidental step into teaching as a career that was compatible with raising children as a single mother, the social justice issues were close to home.

Upon returning to the classroom after a stint teaching teacher candidates at Trent University, Sylvia suggested to her principal that the traditional Christmas door decorating festivities be expanded to include other celebrations. Not only was she shunned by staff, her classroom and then the lawn of her home was plastered with Christmas decorations.

Sylvia says, “It was a violation. It was really scary.”  A consummate teacher, she used it as a learning opportunity for her students that culminated in a multicultural celebration in her classroom. She says, “The kids got it really quickly. The adults still don’t.”

From Sylvia’s perspective, it was another accident that she ended up working at the Ontario Ministry of Education. Among her accomplishments, she was active in the establishment of the Ontario College of Teachers and coordinated the writing of the new curriculum, a role that afforded her the opportunity to work every day of the week and spend nights sleeping in her office.

She had her reasons, saying, “I could do more good trying to hang around than if I left. I don’t have a good capacity to keep my mouth shut. I had this funny notion that my job at the Ministry was to speak truth to power. I could catch someone’s attention long enough to start something, but they couldn’t sustain it. They couldn’t hold the vision. Not only can they not hold the big picture, they don’t see there is a big picture.”

Sylvia’s view of the big picture has challenged her not only to teach others that there are no innocent bystanders, but to ensure that she herself does not stand by.  When the erosion of rights in Kosovo struck her as similar to the Holocaust, she became involved with the refugees in Canada, volunteering four or five times a week while holding her job.

She says, “I’d always wondered why people hadn’t done anything. This is sort of where I got to put my money where my mouth is.”  That commitment to justice infuses all she does, in retirement as in everything else.

“It really is the first time in my life I could do anything I want.”  For Sylvia, that includes being available at any time to work as a part of the Red Cross that responds to local crises. It also includes writing a book on the emotional adjustments women face in retirement, renovating her kitchen, training teachers and travelling.  Her goal is not to over schedule despite her difficulty saying no to things that interest her.

For now, some of her greatest freedoms are driving slowly and stopping to talk to people. She laughs that it sometimes takes her so long to get started that she doesn’t start at all. Sylvia also takes some pride in playing with time by starting the Terry Fox Run early so that she isn’t demoralized when the lead group passes her.

This metaphor is so amusing because it reflects a woman who had not been demoralized. Sylvia is leading her own life. No longer racing to meet the demands of a career and raising a family, she is in it for the long haul, as she does things for the first time and creates her own history.

STILL DIGESTING

Sylvia is committed to social justice. When training teachers she asks them to consider what they are asking their students to hide. It is a useful question for all of us to consider, in every setting we enter.

Sylvia does not hide her feminism. Nor will she stand by as people are isolated or forgotten. She knows that there are no innocent bystanders.

Never again will she simplify a complex idea into a few bullet points for the sake of a presentation. She has no interest in hiding the depth and complexity of her ideas any more than she suggests that we hide from the depth and complexity of our identities.

The fact is that we are all in this together so we might as well know who we are. Sylvia speaks out and takes action. A wise supervisor once explained to her that since not everyone can do what Sylvia does, the rest of them would do their part by supporting her.

We all need to know who we are and why we do what we do. Though Sylvia believes life will make you pay in some way for walking your own path, she and many others are prepared to meet that challenge.

My question is why do any of us let ourselves be less than we are? It all comes down to what we are afraid of. And when we are afraid of ourselves, we are afraid of everything.  The decision is ours. We can fear our way into history repeating or we can face ourselves over and over again for the first time.