It is the season of resolutions and I am the first to get caught up in grand improvement schemes. Indeed, some have interpreted this project as just such a scheme.  While I can acknowledge that I am writing about these dinners in hopes of inspiring both myself and others, the holidays certainly reminded me to appreciate what I have and to try to accept who I am. Some of you may be able to relate.

I spent less of the holidays writing than I had hoped, much to my own consternation.  And I spent less time than I should have trying to book dinners. I am still learning about asking for what I need and hope that those of you who have been encouraging interesting people to contact me will continue to do so. Like me, this project is a work in progress.

I love writing this blog and am encouraged by the commitment so many of you have made to reading it. I know that the courage of those who have told their stories makes a difference. There are close to 50 000 hits to the site each month coming from over 450 different IP addresses. Even more exciting is the fact that the average visit is over 10 minutes. That means that you are taking the time to read. Thank you!

I certainly dream of more dinner invitations and more readers. I think that the stories I have been told deserve as large an audience as possible. My original premise remains intact. We have so much to share and to celebrate. And in doing so I am sure we all move a little closer to the people we want to be.

The holidays certainly reminded me that I am still learning, struggling sometimes to share who I am and to celebrate what I am trying to accomplish. I say this because some of you have been there too; we can doubt ourselves even when we are doing good work. In fact, there are times when the earnestness of the effort creates all the more uncertainty.

Over the holidays, I wanted to write more lessons than I did. And I wanted to book more dinners. I also wanted to take a harder look at how to market the project. Instead, I came face to face with the fact that I was exhausted, just as many of you had predicted.

So I spent time with friends, did my best with family and said some goodbyes to Christmases past.  It was a much needed rest from the pace of the last few months, but it has left me with more questions than answers.

I already feel like I have more than enough information for a book, though I still have so much more to learn. I am excited about spending more time improving the writing so that you are reading people’s stories in a form that is a closer approximation to just how compelling the stories are when told over dinner. I am less excited about pacing myself, but will have to do so nonetheless.

Sustaining myself this year means seeing this project through. It also means taking a hard look at my own story and taking good care of myself so that I can move into the next stage of my life, certain of the contribution I have to make. I know that in your own ways, many of you are doing the same thing.

We live in a world of constant change. Last year’s holidays probably did not look like this year’s. And who knows what next year’s will bring. At its most powerful, the New Year is all about reconciling who we have been with who we are becoming. The wisest among us take the time to savour that process, knowing that change is occurring in every moment, not just in grand statements and resolutions, but more significantly in the small gestures we make and keep making.